if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
