she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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