hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
