Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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