Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
