Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
