i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
