I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
