He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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