It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
