"it" just moved
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
