I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
