The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
