Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
