Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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