Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sober January is a disaster.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
