thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
