Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The beer is more important than you right now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
