So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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