Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
