What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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