Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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