I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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