I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
