Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How naked do you want me to be?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
