I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
