broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is Oprah even human
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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