I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
