He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
