he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
