I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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