I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
