Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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