you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
