i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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