I will die if light touches me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
