He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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