Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
