I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
