ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
