Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
