he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
