hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
