Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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