My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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