Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
