you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
