i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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