85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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