Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
