but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
