good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
