Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
