it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
