A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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